Skip to main content

You Can Call Me Jacob

Normally when I write a blog post, I have a clear idea that I want to write about.  Whether it’s persuading participation in something, sharing how God has worked in my heart, or writing a book/movie review- I have a direction and purpose.  I am looking back on something, and I can put a pretty bow on it and write about it.  I have not posted anything on the blog in a while, because I haven’t experienced closure with the things I would typically write about.  I am still walking through a season of wrestling with God and my own limitations and there is no pretty bow for that.

I recently committed to a challenge- 21 Days of Discipline.  I told myself, “it takes three weeks to form a habit, commit to this, and you’ll be on the trajectory to do this from now on.”  Among other things, I committed to working out at least 3 times a week, getting up extra early to read and pray, and finishing my entire morning routine by 8 am so that I could have the whole day to be “productive.”  I was intentional about limiting my priorities, and the things I would give time to. I put together a solid plan and those who know me well will tell you- when I say I am going to do something, I do it.  No excuses.  Anything that does not go according to plan is an obstacle, not a barrier.  It will get done. 
So, I committed to this. …And I failed, miserably.  I missed SO many of my goals.  Even when I did get out of bed at 5 am, I did not complete my morning routine by 8 am.  Three hours into my day of doing everything “right,” and I am feeling like a failure and stressing about not being “on schedule.”  You can imagine what my motivation levels looked like the next day when the alarm went off.  Then there were the other factors- my allergies went bonkers, I had afternoon crashes, people scheduling last minute meetings that were super important, and the list goes on. 
This challenge that was supposed to be the scale tipper in helping me “get it together,” left me FRUSTRATED and defeated!  I felt incapable of balancing productivity and spiritual disciplines.  Everything took longer to complete than I scheduled.  I was reading daily, but still not keeping my book schedule. I could not get it right.  I was wasting no time, but still could not get to everything on the list.  I needed more time.  My losses and shortcomings were accumulating into what felt like a mountain on my neck and my successes were quickly dissipating.   
This challenge prominently displayed an ongoing struggle that I face:  I am always wanting to do more than I can do.  Not just physically, but also financially, emotionally, and mentally.  I want to DO more for myself and those around me, and I just can’t.  That is discouraging to me.  Then I look ahead at the long list of goals and dreams that God is developing in my heart and the discouragement becomes overwhelming.  How am I ever going to be able to do all of that?  Spoiler alert: I am NOT.
My desire to help everyone and do all of these things isn’t sinful.  My desire to help everyone is an inherited trait, passed down to me from my heavenly Father.  God loves each of us, and He hates to see us suffer.  Scripture tells us that He wants to see us prosper (Jeremiah 29:11).  He wants to help us in every way.  The difference between myself and God, is that He has NO limitations!  He can actually do it!  He can multiply your hours, dollars, resources, immune system; everything is subject to His authority. 
I can’t, but God can.  God can and will bring to fruition every vision He has given me to help and serve others.  I can’t fix the things that my heart is so heavily burdened by right now, but God can (2 Corinthians 12:9).  I am still a little paralyzed by the uncertainties of what is ahead but I know my God will move.  He will restore. He will redeem.  He will continue to love those whom I love, because he loved them first.  He was meeting their needs long before I even knew their names.  I have to learn to trust Him with these few now, because I know He is calling me to trust Him with many later in life. 
So, to my faithful readers- I apologize for holding out on you.  I apologize for buying into the myth that only pretty bows are worth posting.  In the future, I will do better about posting in the midst of my struggles, shortages of joy, and wrestling with God.  Because the point of this blog is not to share only my hindsight, but to “share my experiences for the benefit of others,” even when my experiences are not pretty.  For those of you are feeling defeated by your own limitations, please know- you are not alone.  You are in good company, but more importantly- God is with you (Isaiah 41:10).
Referenced Verses
Jeremiah 29:11- “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
2 Corinthians 12:9- “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”
Isaiah 41:10- “fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with me righteous right hand."
Bonus- Genesis 50:20- “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.”


Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Environment Makes a Difference!

 A while back, I read “Trust” by Dr. Henry Cloud.  He writes repeatedly about how humans are hardwired to trust.  We are built to trust others and form relationships.  The book covers a lot of ground but one of the over-arching ideas is that when you spend time with someone, the natural by-product of that time is that you begin to trust them. It does not matter much about the person’s actual conduct or character.   It also does not matter much how they treat you.   If you stick with them, you deepen your trust in them.   The books goes in depth about how this plays out in your daily life (it IS a worthwhile read), but I think we should also be very conscious of the inverse side of this equation… The people who are spending time with you, most likely trust you.  Even if there is no conversation with a trust litmus test or any other form of a DTR (Define The Relationship), they probably trust you and more significantly- your opinions.  Our ...
2 comments
Read more

In Due Season

We are in a sweet, sweet season with the kids right now.   One of the twins made straight A’s for 5 th six weeks and the other made A-B honor roll for the entire first semester.   All 3 kids have jobs.   All 3 have their licenses. 2 of them have purchased their own cars.   2 of them are in the process of talking to college coaches and hoping to attend college in the fall.   They are coming to the place where they treasure the opportunity for all 5 of us to gather around the dinner table and they value family time.   Both girls are coming to me and Matt with stories and wanting us to be a part of their lives.   They are independently setting their own technology boundaries.   I thought I was going to write a whole blog post about how good they are doing right now, but this blog isn’t supposed to be a highlight reel.   I didn’t write a blog post about all of the hard days that led up to this.   I didn’t write about the drama and tears she...
5 comments
Read more

What Remains

  Yesterday (10/30), we held a ceremony and buried the physical remains of my grandma.   My beloved “Mome”.   The night before, the husband was checking on my emotional state and I told him, “I’m good.   She has already given me so much. It’s enough.”   This came earlier than we expected, but still my grandma has passed so many things down to me, most of which were passed down through my mom.   A few of the most impactful things that I received from her include… ·        Teaching kids about Jesus.   She was passionate about it and good at it.   From Sunday school to VBS to in-home backyard bible camps, she did it all and so have I. ·        Compassion for her neighbors.   Sure, maybe she was a little nosy, but she cared… AND she prayed.   She cared about what was going on in their lives and was always willing to help out however she could. In my lifetime, I saw her serve as...
Post a Comment
Read more