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"Fat & Happy"

 

I used to say this on the regular.  “I might be fat, but I’ll be fat & happy.”  I would say this before or after consuming a meal that I knew contained an exorbitant number of calories.   I would say this while savoring every bite of my ColdStone ice cream filled with mix-ins.  I would say this while enjoying fried avocados, dipped in queso- two appetizers ordered before a full meal, usually for two people.  “I might be fat, but I’ll be fat & happy.”

The statement was a lie that I believed, but the statement and the context together point to the truth.  I was looking for food to make me happy.  I was constantly expecting food to make my bad days good, and my good days better.  My response to every special occasion, and every disappointment, was food. 

I don’t believe that this is entirely, 100% bad.  There is room and place for food to contribute to life.  But there is a very faint line that I had crossed.  I wasn’t using food as a tool to enhance my life, I was using food as a coping mechanism and it was crippling my life. 

There’s a difference between using food to express your emotions and expecting food to transform your emotions. The articulation of that healthy boundary was lost.

In the moment, it worked.  I would sit in the booth of my favorite restaurant, giddy with joy.  I would feel the rush of the sugar high from the dessert.  …Those emotions were short lived.  The meals would be followed by stomach pain and head fog.  There would always be a crash in the wake of the sugar high.  On top of that, sugar was wreaking havoc on my overall emotional stability.   

I would say it in the future tense- “will” be fat.  The reality was, I was already fat, I just didn’t know it.  By the time I realized that I was fat, I was very much not happy.

If you’re an exception to this statement, click the little x on the tab and please reach out and let me know.  But the trend and pattern that I have observed is this: fat and happy are mutually exclusive.  They just don’t go together.

Being overweight is usually a secondary symptom of something else that is broken in our lives.  It might be that your life is out of balance and you’re neglecting self-care.  It might be that depression is creating barriers between you and an active lifestyle.  It might be something more medically specific like a chemistry or hormonal imbalance.   Or you might be like me; it might be that your relationship with food is what is broken and you’re expecting food to fulfill needs that it was never intended to fulfill.

Then, if you do realize you are fat- it gets compounded.  It’s hard to feel good about life when you don’t feel good about yourself in the first place.   

The point I’m trying to make is this: being fat does not  cause you to be unhappy, but more often than not, the same thing that is causing you to be fat, is also causing you to be unhappy.  Both of them are typically found in pairs, downstream from a deeper problem. 

If you’re describing as yourself as both “fat” & “happy,” I hope you’ll do some reflection and consider whether or not you’re lying to yourself.  If you’ve already realized that you are unhappy and that your weight is contributing to the problem- props to you for having that self-awareness. 

I believe that you can be healthy and still be unhappy.  Being healthy does not 100% guarantee happiness.  BUT it is impossible to be happy when you are UNhealthy.  If you know you are unhappy, start examining your health- physical health, yes, but also relational, mental, emotional, and most of all, spiritual health. 

If you know you are UNhappy,
identify the areas of your life that are UNhealthy
and take action!

Focusing on an area other than your physical health is not a distraction.  You’re not getting sidetracked.  Your health is a holistic picture and improving one area of your health will trickle into all the areas of your life.  The healthier I get, the more I am amazed by how much physical, emotional, relational, and mental health are all directly connected.

Don’t spend time and energy convincing yourself that you are fat and happy.  Invest that time & energy into improving your health and happiness will take care of itself.  It’s worth the work!

As always, please let me know if there is anything that I can do to encourage you in the pursuit of your health. <3 




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